Breaking off an engagement is painful. At this stage, wedding plans are probably underway and all of your loved ones know about your upcoming nuptials. Unlike with other breakups, when you call off an engagement there are logistics to manage. On top of figuring out who’s going to call the vendors to cancel (and fight to get deposits back), you also have to come up with a way to break the news to friends and family–all the while dealing with an enormous heartbreak.
What is most important to remember throughout all of this is that you are not a failure. When engagements don’t pan out, people often feel like they have somehow failed by not being able to see the relationship through. Thinking this way will not serve you as you heal, and it won’t bring you any sense of closure to lay the burden on your shoulders. And also, it’s just not true.
It may not seem so right now, but you’re in a better place having that relationship end now then after exchanging “I do’s.” If you’re finding it difficult to cope with the aftermath of your broken engagement, here are some tips that will get you on the path to healing.
The Logistics
Once the wedding has been called off there are a few things to consider, like who’s calling the vendors and telling friends and family. Draft a master list of everyone that needs to be contacted and decide with your ex who’s going to handle what.
Remember, when you share the news with loved ones, you don’t have to divulge the details of what happened in the relationship, you just have to inform them that the wedding has been called off. Perhaps an announcement on the Facebook group (if you made one for your wedding) or a mass email would do the trick. Keep it simple and to the point.
The Detox
Now it’s time to rid your life of all reminders of your ex. Whether it’s unfriending your ex on social media, deleting their number, or getting rid of their stuff that’s still at your place, you want to get on top of this. You don’t want your ex’s posts popping up on your newsfeed every day and you’ll be much more successful at not contacting your ex if their number isn’t stored in your phone.
You also want your home to be a peaceful sanctuary where you can work on your healing, and framed photos of you and your ex from your last vacation will not set the right mood. Redecorate your bedroom to be all your own and fill your home with things that make you happy!
The Healing
Your journey to getting through this heartbreak has already started by detoxing, but there are other ways you can support yourself during this difficult time. Seek out a therapist so you can engage in healthy dialogue as you work through the heartbreak. Prioritizing your self care will help alleviate the stress that comes with a broken engagement. The Mend app will allow you to check in with yourself every day and remind you that you’re not alone. Lean into resources for healing, you don’t have to go through this alone.
The New Beginnings
Start to build your new life. Focus on the activities that light you up. Learn a new skill or start a new side hustle. Take up a new workout class or train for a marathon. Use Pinterest to curate a post-breakup bucket list of things you want to see or accomplish as you build your new life, and then actually do them! Take full advantage of this time you have for yourself and create the life you’ve always dreamed of. As you start mending, you realize how resilient you are and that gives you a renewed sense of power. Channel that in all that you do from this point forward.
